It's just wrong.

I don’t like this… it’s not right; this isn’t how it should be. I shouldn't want to go out there. Not when he’s out there. But I do… there’s this urge, this pull to see just what it seems to want to show me. He’s been coming to me in my dreams, like not appearing in them as a force like before, but somehow intruding. They’ve been serene, not nightmares just this strange place… a forest maybe… it’s hard to remember really, it’s very much a dream world, there's that incoherancy to it all. He isn’t an antagonist in the dreams though, not a frightening set piece either… it’s more of a person, an actual man of shadow. Is this why others call it "him" and "he" and their affectionate little nicknames? Does it come to them in dreams too; does it try to introduce itself as a man rather than a monster?

I’m sorry. I’m getting off topic.

Anyhow, there he is off in some place I cannot quite see… he… he stands there invitingly, like he wants me to come into the shadows with him. It’s been like this since he broke into… well appeared in the apartment. It’s actually pretty funny thinking of the big bad Slenderman kicking down the door or jimmying to the lock. It’s nice to have something to laugh about actually. But so I’ve been looking out to him when the static blares up and the voices from my laptop distort… and of course there he is. Strange thing is though, when I look out and I see him it’s no longer so intimidating… instead he’s in that same inviting stance. It’s like he wants me to come out and play….

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I don't have very many moments that seriously force me into a double-take, but this afternoon was certainly one of them. I stayed the night at Ronnie's - my phone had died while I was at her place but I saw Kal's post on her computer - and got home not too long ago. You know what I walked into? Grocery's thrown all across the apartment, outside on the balcony, on the ground below it, chairs knocked over, things unplugged and out of place... And worst of all, a big puddle of curdling milk sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. Kal wasn't home, but I guess he went shopping sometime yesterday before all this happened. Whatever went down must have been pretty soon after he got back from the store because there are bags and shit strewn about with everything else. At first I thought it might've have been a robbery or something, especially since Kal isn't here and so I was worried. Until I realized nothing had been taken, just that all this damned food had been thrown everywhere! I'm still worried though. I haven't been able to get hold of Kal. Hopefully I can pretty soon.

Fuck. I had just come over here to get my phone charger, then I was going to head back to Ronnie's but I guess the next few hours will be spent cleaining this mess. Good gods that milk smells nasty. Kal better be in someone's trunk or something for all this.

-Michenab

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Goddammit. Pick up your phone.

Henry.

Where’ve you been man? I’ve tried calling like 4 times already, sent probably a dozen texts too. Well it seems this is my last resort then I guess… maybe you’ll get on here and check site stats or something.

Anyhow I really need you to not come home tonight, stay out with that ladyfriend of yours… I’m sure you’d love an excuse to spend the night with her anyways. Seriously though, I need the place to myself tonight. I’m going to be preoccupied you know... and I’m sure you don’t wanna have to deal with it.  So yeah, hopefully you see this or get one/all of my various messages to you.

Best Luck.

~Kal

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Checking in.

Hey. It’s been a while. Umm week, week and a half maybe. I uh just wanted to stop in on the blog and apologize for not keeping our couple of followers in the loop with what all is going on. Umm, I’ve been busy, been reading blogs and catching videos but I’ve mainly refocused my attention on my work for the school.

My advisor-type person called me up a week back and basically let me know that the school was trying to get rid of me. Said they were concerned with my productivity and my increasingly odd behavior (things like bringing in my personal board games to try to keep kids off the playground, uh my jumpiness and generally antisocial behavior). I calmly explained to him that between the whole thing with the missing girl and some ridiculous fictional family issues that I was having trouble concentrating and well just really not sleeping, that it was a wonder I could even get up in the mornings. I told him that I was aware of these issues though and had taken steps to correct it all. Said that I’d gone to see a doctor and gotten myself proscribed some sleeping and anti-anxiety medications and that I should according to my doctor be operating at a manageable level again in the coming weeks. Then I went in and told the same thing to the school administrators who in all likelihood were trying to boot my crazy ass out of their establishment and let them know that I’d be making up all the work I’d slacked off on during my uh… episodes. 

Now all of this is lies, well I mean what I told them was lies, but I did get my parents to send up a couple mostly full bottles of Focilin from back in Middle and High School when they had me on and off ADD medications all the time. I’ve started taking them daily despite my severe dislike of medications, they’ve um… enabled me to sit down and focus on things that are far less important than this impending danger, to obsess over trivial things really and its done wonders for my paranoia. I mean I still know it’s out there, the Slenderman thing, and it still frightens me but these feelings really only start to come up when I’m not occupied with something. Luckily I’ve got so much fucking work to catch up on from all those weeks where my mind was out in the woods rather than in the classroom that I should be able to stay busy for some time. 

As for the actual, you know… I’ve decided that I’m pretty blessed. This thing seems content just watching me for now, and from what I’ve read, well I’m pretty lucky if that’s all its doing. If it wants to sit outside and follow me around as I go from the apartment to school, back to the apartment, and occasionally to the store to pick up something edible since Henry’s started stocking the place with all this weird vegan shit now… well that’s perfectly fine. Let it. I’ll know when it’s there; I’ve got music playing all the time now. I’ve had to remove a few bands I like from my playlists, Ordo Rosarius, Sopor Aeternus , Emile Autumn, but it’s a price worth paying to avoid false feedback. It comes and goes but it never seems to act, and for that I’m really blessed. 

~Kal 

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Despite Kal's ever-present struggle with the kidnapping, my life is going pretty well. We haven't "officially" been together for very long, but Ronnie and I have been close for a while and we're only growing closer. Sure, it may still be the honey moon phase or whatever, but does anyone ever think about that while actually in the relationship? Anyone who actually hopes for good outcomes to relationships anyway. Yesterday we went and saw that new Johnny Depp movie. It was alright, but apparently the whole movie was actually acted out live-action to get the character models to move how they do. I don't know about anyone else, but I think it would be way more interesting to see the human actors moving dramatically like that. Besides, talking animals are just creepy when you think about it too much. Imagine someone living on a farm, surrounded by animals, and one morning they wake up to one of their cows sitting at the breakfast table eating a bowl of cereal with soy milk and reading the paper. Weird stuff.

Anyhow. Tonight Ronnie and I are going out to dinner. I haven't decided where yet, but definitely somewhere warm and where they have one of those airlock type foyers so that everytime the door opens the freezing air isn't let directly into the restaurant. Usually those places are a little more money than others, but I'd rather be a poor man with a cushiony chair and a back to lean on than rich with a cold, hard steel stool with sharp edges.

-Michenab

Also, Kal, don't be too hard on yourself... I'm sorry about some of the things I've been saying. I do think you need help to work past the loss of that girl, but I don't think you've just completely lost your mind. Arkady on the other hand... Anyhow. I'll let up on the "crazy" rhetoric. Maybe we can try to hang out again.

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My Insanity

You know, I read all of Henry's posts. I'll skip over his poetry from time to time because I haven't the head for it but I do read his posts. 

 He must see me as a psychopath, all locked up in my room and hiding away, leaving only to go to work or grab something from the store. I can see the sorry way he looks at me. You know its depressing. I don't know many people around here, he really is one my best friends these days, we don't hang out anymore. No shitty horror flicks, no video games, no random chats. Hank and I used to do shit, now he'll shy away from me. It's like he's afraid he'll catch my insanity. 

 I think he's right to avoid me though. I mean look at Damien: sure it's after him because of his stupid fucking summoning, but all the same... Well I just wanted to let him know there are no hard feelings about this distance between us. It's really probably for the better, I mean I've got Damien and this Arkady fellow of his, along with a good chunk of the internet drowning in madness with me... I don't want to get Henry involved in this shit too.

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New Challengers

Old Time Quest

Far away from cold adventures,

The old-man guide forgets his dentures

And ventures into the forest alone,

Leaving the heroes guarding his home.

As he wanders through the snowy leaves,

The old man slowly sinks and grieves

And thinks about what he has lost,

What he has done and at what cost.

Mem’ries of old family,

Long gone in manifest

But still existing in his chest,

Haunt his spirit as he walks

And thoughts of past talks

With young tots about sparks and hawks

Flit through his mind.

He sees the ending coming

As his trail-end comes to sight.

So, in deep night, without fright,

The old man sits upon a bench,

Lays himself so his back won’t wrench,

And stares up at the sky,

Becoming glassy-eyed,

While the heroes back home

Expect the return of a man in bliss

Who ended with a kiss.

I've always been interested in people. How they act and why they act. That's part of what influenced my decision to go into journalism: so I can record the actions of others and see what they do in different circumstances and states of mind. I've learned that the human mind can be infectious though, and I have a tangible example living in my apartment. I worry about Kal. He's getting worse and now he's dragged his friend Damien into his Slender Man mess, which is fairly impressive given it's been a while since they actually saw each other in person. Then of course there's this "Arkady" fellow who seems to have teamed up with Damien. From what little I've managed to gather so far, Arkady is simply a crazed drug addict using the Slender Man myth to hide the fact that he has a problem and bribe a room out of Damien with his supposedly superior knowledge. I honestly don't know where people like this come from, but I send thanks to every god I seem to have some sort of immunity to insanity after my own plunge into darkness a while ago. Maybe it's like chicken pox. This could come off as mean, but I don't know what else to do to snap Kal out of it. I've tried everything nice that I can think of. I mean, sure, he's my good friend, I'm still going to support him but I won't enable his self-imposed lunacy.

Now I do understand that Kal is torn up about this little girl that's disappeared, but what could he have really done? If the stories I've been following and searching up these last couple months (see: this and this) are any indication, this kidnapping at Kal's school is probably related and all signs point to whoever it is being very good at this. I don't know what else to say to him, but hopefully he can bring himself out of this hole he's dug for himself soon.

-Michenab

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