I've been staring at this screen for... almost an hour now. Everything that happened tonight keeps replaying on the backdrop of this blank prompt. At first I was in shock. I didn't know what to do. But it's starting to hit home now. And I don't like the feeling.
I've been avoiding talking too much to Ronnie. I've been nice and sweet as much as Ican, but I've needed to retain some amount of focus on keeping us all alive. I though about explaining that to her, but all I could see was a fight at the end of that tunnel. As it turns out, there was nothing I could do in the first place to stop that fight from coming. Finally fed up with the whole situation, with her distrust of Kal, her want to help the girl and my... unresponsiveness, she picked an argument. It doesn't matter anymore what it was about. I don't care and honestly, I don't remember it very well, except that as I became more and more involved in it, I could feel in the back of my mind a weakening in the presence that I brought around us. Something sharper than the gradual sapping of energy that has been going on since I put it up.
Kal noticed it too. He came into the room to get my attention and when I gave it to him... Well, that's what really set Ronnie off. She began walking around the room, gathering some of her things as she did so, voice raised. I could hear something about the balcony from Kal, but my main focus was on trying to calm Ronnie down. Trying to keep from leaving. To keep her with me. But that was another thing I couldn't stop. Another failure.
At least Kal was able to keep the girl from her. Because when she walked out of the front door... there he was. And I think for the first time Ronnie actually saw him. Saw him and recognized him for the otherness that he is. The rest happened in silence. That dead silence that almost claimed me. I could see her mouth moving, but all I heard was the impossibly slow beat of my pulse in my ears. His presence seemed to dwarf Ronnie, though he didn't seem to actually shift in size - and then without any warning, she was pulled into him. It looked as though she had been pushed from behind, or had jumped. Wrapped in an embrace with far too many arms, she was turned to show her front perfectly to me. The fear etched on her face... the horrible fear that I couldn't keep her away from... It was nothing compared to the sudden emptiness that followed. Her lithe body, tense with so much stress, was not so hard to witness as the ragdoll limpness that came after. One second, there she was, my Ronnie, wrapped in his arms, struggling - and then the next, she was gone.
She isn't mine anymore. She's his now. She was taken from me, and I will never have her back. I can feel it in the soul crushing void that screams for something to fill it and sucks everything into its empty nothingness, only to feel no more satiated than it was at its conception. I can feel it in the energy around me that weakens no matter what I do. I can feel it in my broken will. Thank god for Kal. If he hadn't been there, I may have just charged at him, holding her, and ended us all. Instead, I watched him fade away, the dead eyes of my love staring out at me, while I struggled against Kal's restraint.
I can't do this anymore.
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