Monday, March 28, 2011

It's time for a change.

I’ve got Damien working on something for me, a way to get that boy back. It involves shit that I don’t understand or even explicitly believe in, but… but I cannot let things end this way.

I failed him. With every fucking blink of my eyes I see him… I see his desperation and fear and submission. And I know that if I… if I hadn’t submitted myself I could have done something, anything. I’m haunted by thought that that suited fuck took him… that he took him just to show off to me… for no reason other than my obedience to his fucking call, that that child might still be sleeping safely in his bed if it weren’t for my existance.

I’m not one foreign to failure; in fact it’s been a constant companion to me. I’m a shitty student, I’m crap in social situations, I put things off until their too late and I’ve always given up when things get tough… but this… I have never fucked up like this. There’s no fucking forgiving it. None.

I have Damien finding me information on entering the Astral Plane, when he read about the kid, and all that other shit, some light bulb popped on in his head and he made this connection. He’s finding me sources and instructions and all this other bulls… all these other things that I’m not familiar with. And I’m going to fix this. I am going to rescue that kid. Nothing else is fucking acceptable.


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